We Need To Talk About Pregnancy Loss

On average, one in every four pregnancies ends in loss, and yet miscarriage, stillbirth, and pregnancy loss are still taboo subjects in many cultures. As a result, women who go through it experience shame, guilt, and loneliness which is entirely a product of attitude, and not science.

This Baby Loss awareness week, Kim and Leila cast a light on something that a significant proportion of women go through, but which is still hardly spoken of at all.

What to Expect in This Episode

Leila and Kim have had very different personal experiences with baby loss. Kim is fortunate to have never suffered a loss, and she acknowledges that she has never had the deep-seated anxiety associated with a potential loss. Leila, on the other hand, experienced a pregnancy loss as part of her eight year long fertility journey, and explores how it affected her experiences throughout her pregnancy, as well as her attitudes and choices as a mother now.

We then dive into the statistics and science of early pregnancy loss, and how that varies among hopeful mothers of different ages. Although around half of losses have no identifiable cause, a large proportion of the rest are down to genetic issues that would have meant that a baby couldn’t have survived anyway. The big take-home here is that the vast majority of losses don’t happen because of anything the woman has done, or not done. It’s just a product of biology and statistics.

Leila gets on her tiny soapbox to criticise the language we use to describe pregnancy losses. The word miscarriage, while clinically accurate, carries with it an implication of blame, that she’s somehow made a mistake, when that is far from the truth. Instead, calling it pregnancy loss acknowledges that it’s a loss of something loved and cherished, (and a part of which the mother will always carry) which is worthy of grief.

With this in mind, we talk about the best thing to say to someone going through a pregnancy loss. While ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ might technically be true, it’s not always what a woman wants to hear.

Finally, we take a look at how pregnancy losses are seen in society and especially by employers. Most places in the UK don’t have consistent bereavement policies, and while it may be an afterthought for many, it’s potentially something that could affect all women.

We know that hearing and talking about baby loss can be upsetting and triggering, especially if you’re in the thick of it. But we think it’s important to keep it out in the open, to help change attitudes for the better.

If you’re affected by any of the content in this weeks episode, you can find out more about Baby Loss Awareness Week: https://babyloss-awareness.org/

And these are charities that can offer support and guidance for people going through pregnancy loss:

https://www.sands.org.uk/

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/